Swede gone bad

Long time, no see.

2007-01-28T19:13:00.000+01:00

http://putbackthestars.blogspot.com

EEK. THE PSYCHO IS BACK.

Healthy mix

2006-09-14T18:30:00.000+02:00

Well. The War on mentor sucked big time. He is worse than ever now.
More on that some other day.

My little sister found some neat tests.
I have no imagination these days, so this is me:

Your Brain is 53% Female, 47% Male

Your brain is a healthy mix of male and female
You are both sensitive and savvy
Rational and reasonable, you tend to keep level headed
But you also tend to wear your heart on your sleeve

What Gender Is Your Brain?

You Are Smokin' Hot

You're a terrible flirt, a sharp dresser, and a party animal.
Of course, you're totally sizzling too. And for you, being hot just comes naturally.

Are You Hot?

You Are 20 Years Old

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

What Age Do You Act?

War on mentor.

2006-09-01T14:11:00.000+02:00

Okay, I can't recall talking sabout my "mentor", my head teacher. He is like a copy of Michael Moore. He's American, short, roundish and does documentary films.

Swedes see him as very weird because of his booming american voice and his temper, but I am used to this since I have my roots in Cali. I did the mistake of not reacting to his outbursts, since I knew how to handle them. We were broadcasting "live TV" (we were acting as we were, but it was only taped) and I got the role as the picture producer.

"Em, you're incharge of the picture" he said.

"Err.. sure." I said, not knowing what I was supposed to do. And then He said action and we were rolling.

It sucked, of course. And I was looking around making sure everyone did their job. Of course, that meant I didn't do my job. I thought I was supposed to check white balance and exposure and then I was inished, but apparently I was supposed to have my eyes upon the screens at all time.

"EMELIE!! You didn't have your eyes on the screens!! What the fudge were you doing?? That was a sucky job!! Blah blah"

Now, any Swede would just stand there and try to explain with tears in their eyes and not understand half the words. They would be afraid and just curl up. I didn't do that. I just stood there, yes. But I listened to him, let him express his anger and then told him slowly:

"I am sorry Mr. But we haven't gone through what I was supposed to do. If you wuld have told me you wouldn't have to stress about this. Now, I will do a better job next time. shall we continue?"

He was shocked. And he nodded.

Alla eyes wer upon me and big in awe. At least let me put a little bit of drama into it.

But as I said, this was a big mistake. Since then I have been his punchbag. Every word I say will be turned against me. An example: He is our teacher in Media. That is the class where we discuss he effect media has and power. We learn how to get or message out. In the beginning of each class we talk about the news and what is happening in the world. I won't expose the name of my town, so I'll call it Littletown. It describes it perfectly.

M: "Yes, Emelie?"

E: "Well in Littletown we..."

M: "Okay, how many in here ive a rats ass about Littletown?"

Three people out of thirty raise their hands. My friends.

E: "Well, I DO!"

M: "Okay, so what is happening over there?"

E: "Well, there's a rumour that The next EU-meeting is going to be held there!"

M: "Oh, why is that? Because no terrorist will find the place?"

Laughter.

E: "Hey! Oh, and.. We're having a vote about were to put our elderhome!"

M: "Oh, you're going to go into retirement early?"

Well, you get the picture.

But irony is on my side. This little scene took place yesterday. And today the biggest news paper in Sweden had LITTLETOWN on THE FRONT PAGE. Oh, I love irony.

Plans are growing. Wish me luck to master my mentor once and for all !!

Politics

2006-08-24T19:53:00.000+02:00

"Yeah, I would like to get into politics"
"Oh don't. You don't know how to lie"

That's how I got interested in writing, because then I don't have to lie. (Plus I know how to lie in writing) I always thought it was unfair saying politicians lied. Because I've always had this dream about leading Sweden with my politics, if they wanted me to. I didn't want to lie about anything. But know I realize why all these people reacted this way.

I'm only seventeen so I'm not allowed to vote but I have more information about the different political parties than alot of people who are entitled to vote. I walked to the different places were they give free stuff, like broshures and flyers. I was so amazed about how they write in these things.

"THE OTHERS want to do this, and that sucks because you will suffer"

Why not skip bashing the other parties and just let them be? Please don't use fear. Wanna know why? Look at the American news. That's why.

"We're gonna help you by doing this and this and we are going to give more money to this and this"

But they're not talking about how they're going to get that money. For years our Socialdemocrats have said they are going to get the school finances together and that they are the party for the underpriveledged. BUT THEY HAVEN'T.

I am born '89. If you live in Sweden and was born '87-'94 you are going to go through "hell". Because Sweden was not prepared for you. Classrooms have 40 students, old school books and the morale is aweful. Twelve year old girls are posting half-nude pictures of themselves to be accepted, because they were born in the baby boom, so noone sees them.

I still have the dream of getting into politics, but with my own party. I'm going to call it "Ärliga Pariet", meaning "The Honest Party". I'm going to let everyone know exactly what plans we have. If they don't want to follow us that means we're not supposed to rule Sweden.

Too bad no one else is supposed to either. They're all lying to get that position.

Culture

2006-08-24T19:35:00.000+02:00

On Saturday I am going to see Snakes on a Plane. I might see the best movie ever made. It's got everything:
Violence,
Planes,
Snakes,
Thrill

and Samuel L. Motha Fuckin' Jackson.

I can't wait! Seriously. I've longed for this kind of thing. This fuck-you Hollywóod. I'm going to be laughing. Iäm going to be crying.

"We got BLEEP snakes on the BLEEP plane!"

This movie has reached Sweden. SWEDEN. Gosh. I'm psyched.

Oh, the soundtrack is the greatest. The catchiest song you've ever heard. With a great-looking blonde girl, a guy who looks like Johnny Depp, a "tough guy" and a cool reaggae/outkast guy. So everyone can enjoy it! It's frekkin amazing!

Of, the Johnny Depp look-alike is GORGEOUS. He is the singer of The Academy Is... They're great too.

Just thought you'd like to know.

ergh is exposed

2006-08-20T21:31:00.000+02:00

I HAVE NOW FIGURED OUT THE TRUE IDENTITY OF ERGH.

Feared in many countries, so called 'ergh' (also known as The Gnibbler Nibbler) har terrorized the world of blog. He leaves small comments which seem harmless but spurr the life of bloggers to find this maniac!

Well, dear bloggers, I have done it. I have found The Gnibbler Nibbler. He is in a cage in my room eating acorns. And carrots. Whatever criminals eat.

THE WORLD IS SAVED ONCE AGAIN THANKS TO...

EMELIE JOY!

Link update

2006-08-20T21:07:00.000+02:00

I updated the link, the how-to-be-emo link.

I love that movie. You guys have to see it.

I don't have much to say these days, I'm sorry this blog hasn't been filled with to much stuff that makes sense. I'm just so psyched out because we're starting school. And I love school.

I have the coolest schedule. Sleep in on mondays, thursdays and fridays =) HEAVEN.

(I saw ergh the other day)

School Start.

2006-08-16T23:44:00.001+02:00

I'm so ready.

I'm so tired.

Sorry for writing this crap thing.

I don't know why, I'm just going at it.

Oh yeah, I just realized that the only boyfriend that has been all of these: funny, romantic, smart, rich, bubbly, made me chuckle AND gave me that spark of love... I was toghether with when I was 8.

There ergh, I'm talking about how sucky it is. Oh, and see you in school on friday. Or monday if your in the thirds. This is so exciting. It's turned into a hunt.

But the thing is I know who you are.. Or.. SUSPECT who you are. Give me a hint sometime.

Chainreaction

2006-08-14T16:50:00.000+02:00

Tänk på dom cancer sjuka. Tag med denna duva o låt den flyga från hemsida till hemsida. Please take the bird and let her fly from site to site and think about the people sick from cancer.

Important

2006-08-10T02:20:00.000+02:00

Okay, so I never write about anything important, really. So I thought this would be a great first-important-thing. (After the Hagamannen-post)

I am onair on Soundic Radio this saturday! Swedish Time: 10 PM - midnight. New York time: 4 PM - 6 PM. And you can listen to me anywhere! The talking is in Swedish but if you mail the studio you can write in English and I will talk English to you in the radio!

And as important that might seem it's not THE important thing. On saturday we are having what we call The Cicilia Memorial Day. One of the Soundic Radio founders married a woman named Cicilia last year. She got pregnant and realized early on that there was something wrong, something different from the other three children she's given birth to.

She wanted to see the doctor and multiple times they said nothing was wrong but she listened to her instincs and finally they found a tumour big as an orange in her stomach.

This raised some panic. Their baby, Liam, was born early but thank God, he was healthy. But Cicilia still had to struggle against the tumour, an unusual cancer. The doctors said they were going to do an operation and she could be fine after that. But after the painful operation they told the family that they had found out the cancer had spread. She was not going to live.

She's been fighting the whole summer with chemotherapy and being in the hospital and they didn't know if she was going to live on her Birthday. This Saturday. August 12.

The webradio Soundic Radio (I work as a writer there) wanted to help her fight the cancer, so this Saturday we were planning on raising some money to help her fight the cancer. Cicilia started a fund to support research within this unusual cancer.

The thing is... Cicilia passed away just a couple of days ago.
She was 32 years old.
Left here are her husband and four kids.

Soundic Radio is now going to give 50% of the money we raise to her funeral and 50% to her fund. This Saturday. And anyone around the world can listen if you up to:

http://www.soundicradio.com

Wild day

2006-08-07T18:14:00.000+02:00

X: Have you taken your meds today Em?
Me: No.
X: OH, well THAT explains why you're laughing at everything.
Me: Oh, so YOU'VE taken them?
X: Schhhh

"Are we getting old?"

2006-08-07T13:18:00.000+02:00

I'm sitting next to X and Y. (Y told me I am not allowed to write their names on the internet unless I get approval from the persons involved) They're watching the TV, it's the European Championships in track and field. I'm trying to focus on my blog. Their quarreling gets to me..

X: Well, I mean.. I COULD be the fastest.
Y: Well, you weren't..
X: No, but I had the POSSIBILITY to be the fastest. Hey, I will never be able to do high-jumping!
Y: Well, you just have to come to terms with that. It's not good to be 40 and learn flipflopping. (my note: flipflopping is a kind of jump over the bar)
X: Well, isn't that the scissorthing? Or what is that?
Y: The scissorthing is when you go with one leg before the other. Y to the girl jumping on the mat because she made it: Don't jump into the bar!
X: Hey, that's stupid..

Now I tune out because I realize they are about to quarrel about some rules. But after five minutes they are getting annoying.

X: But I mean, I'm asking if..
Y: Well, I am trying to hear the commentators.. You are asking me things that the commentators are aswering but you have to ask me anyway!
X: So, you don't care about my questions?
Y: No, that's stupid! I'm trying to hear..
Me: Just shut up!
...
X: Oh, she doesn't like us.
Y: Are we getting old?
Me: No, you're not getting old. You acre old. And just shut up and listen to the commentators.

Of course, they won't shut up.

X: Why don't they have like bras for their butts?
Sis: Excuse me?
X: Yeah. Like this.. Lift and seperates. Your butt looks like your boobs.
Me: But if you lift and seperate your buttcheeks you're gonna poo in your pants.
Sis: EW! But I mean.. Does your hip hurt because your butt weighs too much?
X: ...
Me: Shut up. Hey, Jen, can I write your name in my blog?
Sis: Yeah, what are you writing about?
Me: Butt-bras.
X: No, Butt-cups.

PFIIIIIEEEK
Sis: Why does the hotdogs always sound like that when you microwave them?
X: It wasn't dead yet.

This is how you look up to your boss, because he/she is a hero.

2006-08-04T20:38:00.000+02:00

This is a very good guide on how to fully appericiate your Boss. Remember, he/she is your superior and should always be loved!

Give him/her gifts. Maybe some chocolate or a raquetball game? Whatever he/she has as an interest will do!

Never ask for a raise. This will only trouble your boss, he/she already has alot to think about.

See the real hero he/she is! Without you boss the whole workplace would fall like a flunel in a cupboard!

This is for Allan. Now your Boss will LOVE the fact that you or on my blog and never bother you again!

ergh is the winner!

2006-07-30T23:16:00.000+02:00

Finally! My first critique! I don't know if that is how you spell it. But it looks good. ANOTHER thing that looks good is this comment over here ---->

ergh is writing about how sucky my other post was. Or, as he/she puts it: "...why are you being so attention sick? I really find your last post amusing..." and later on: "you gotta deal with it somehow instead of whining about how lowsy sweden as a country is".

My God, that was fantastic! He/she (I'll call ergh a he because his name sound pretty manly. Like.. A barbarian yalp) is totally right! I was whining and stuff about Sweden. Why don't I do something? Well. I am. I am writing about my opinions. I can't really run for mayor. First of all: We don't have mayors. Second of all: Well, we don't really need a second of all, do we?

But I am planning my own political party and spreading my joy and happiness. I might SEEM like a whiner but I really am a bundle of Joy! And trust me, I am trying to fix this whole situation of dead fish in my sea. I do not write anything here until it's the last thing to do.

I am dedicating this post to ergh. Spreading his true opinion.
Yalp.

Italian lover wanted.

2006-07-24T00:29:00.000+02:00

Damnit. Damnitdamnitdamnit.

Okay. Am I really gross or something? Am I like, totally unlovable in this snowy country up in nowhere? Seriously, I feel so outa place.

I was over in the States for four weeks. That's how I started the summer vacation. And it was the greatest start. Because over there I'm the Sweet Swede and people enjoy me being in the room.

"Oh, you're from SWEDEN? Please, step on in, we saved a seat for you! Groar!"

Over here? Nothing. Not even a damn whistle. No looks. Oh yeah, I get the looks. The: "What the fudge are you wearing? Is that BLACK? Is that a SMILE on your face? Damn you, rot in a cave somewhere"-look.

Oh, but the States. You have smeet Italian guys who are backpacking and who are called Luigi and who go to museums. GAH. Give me him now.

Because I've tried this stupid Sweden thing for two weeks now. I haven't even gotten a smile. Or, yeah I have.. But not THAT smile, the "Oh dear, you are so beautiful. Sure, this can't be the last time we meet?"-smile.

Sure, I've gotten smiles.

"Oh, I'm sorry... I made out with you a while back but I don't see you the same way now"-smile.

"Ohno, not you again.. I thought I told you..? Well, allright. Hello to you too"-smile.

"Oh yeah, sure. YESTERDAY I was all over you and encouraged you to do lot's of stuff. But that was before I told you I have a girlfriend. It was just something to do yesterday"-smile.

Damnitdamnitdamnit.

Give me my Italian Lover.

Swedish News

2006-07-22T19:27:00.000+02:00

(excuse the poor grammar, I'm not used to the written language of news papers)

Okay, so... This isn't really a serious blog, compared to others... So people might not think I am interested in politics.. WELL, YOU'RE WRONG.

And why is that in capital letters? Because right now I'm pretty pissed. Sweden might be one of the best countries in the World, I love it dearly, but the laws are pretty messed up. Or.. The punishments I should say.

There is this case in Sweden that has been haunting us for a long time. In an area around a town called Haga there have been a number of rapes who seem to be fullfilled by one man. The same man. He has been called "Hagamannen" - the man from Haga.

Thrusday, 20th of July, a news paper called Stockholm City (equivelant to the "Metro") let us know what the veridict was:

"HAGAMANNEN GETS 14 YEARS
Niklas Lindgren committed two attemps of murder and five rapes"

Yes, that's true. He got 14 years. Now.. He raped FIVE people and TWO of them he was threatening to murder. (and let me add the fact that the judge didn't pledge him guilty for another rape of a fifteen year old girl, because someone lost the evidence since there was no place for it.)

In the yellow box there are some interesting facts...

"Five women recieve 857 000 kr because of damage"
($1 = 7 kr. 857 000 kr = $ 122 430)

Woman A (rape, attempted murder)= Wanted 369 000 kr, got 314 000 kr
Woman B (rape)= Wanted 33 144 kr, got 11 594 kr
Woman C (rape)= Wanted 42 000 kr, got 5000 kr
Woman D (rape)= Wanted 95 000 kr, got nothing (this is the case I wrote about)
Woman E (attempted rape)= Wanted and got 42 100 kr
Woman F (heavy rape, attemted murder)= Wanted 320 000 kr, got 220 000 kr

And I don't know... Maybe they added some kronor because they knew they wouldn't get that amount but... Seriously.. That's pretty sad. But the saddest part is the fact that Sweden is ahead of alot of countries.

And I am not saying the Judge or Jury did anything wrong, because 14 years is the longest punishment anyone can get in Sweden. THAT'S what I'm pissed about.

Or "I sentence you to life in prison!" equals 8 years for some. Because what it means is you're in prison 'til the government let's you out. Who lives 8 years? Oh, yeah. The person who was killed by a guy in jail.

BUT I HAVE SOME FUN STUFF TOO

Now, it's probably hard to understand it if you don't speak Swedish, but it's hilarious.

Hilarious. Apparently we use the same word for 'over-weight' as we do when we mean 'majority'.

"Audience: 5 500 people in all ages, with a slight majority amongst 40-year olds."

I love Stockholm City.

2006-07-22T19:15:00.000+02:00

Allan säger:
just for you, a song is played here in nowhere, USA!

YES! A song about Sweden was played at Richmond Indie Radio! Because I was listening!

Thank you!

Breaking the speedlimit

2006-07-22T18:28:00.000+02:00

I went to my friends house the other day. I brought my moped too. It weighs about ten pounds and is driven by a 6 Volts motor. Means: You walk past it.

We did some experimenting, and it was quite interesting. We realized pretty quick we had to go downhill since it was made for 5-year olds who way at the most 30 kg (slightly more than 60 pounds). I'm not gonna say what I weigh, but It's more than that.

Yeah, that's right! WE HAVE A TAPE RECORDER! It's probably from the eighties and only works in the sun. And in a specific angle.. And if you put som weight on the back. Err.. It almost works.

As you see, the speed is unbreakable! It is madness! I actually got a boo-boo on my left knee because I scraped it against the DANGEROUS asphalt! As you see below, it was very hard to tame the best of 6 VOLTS!

And, if THAT wasn't enough, it also improves your MANLINESS with 130% ! See how manly Adam is below:

Speechless

2006-07-18T02:06:00.000+02:00

I have seen the height of advertising. It is unbeatable! Genious! I am so moved. It is the best I've ever seen!

Admit it! My hat and socks off to the advertiser. I love it.

Tribute

2006-07-17T23:38:00.000+02:00

Daily Nooz

I'll let it speak for itself. I peed in my pants a little.

Where am I?

2006-07-16T21:22:00.000+02:00

Ohno, sweet people. I was blown away!

It was amazing... This tornado came and blew me away! It swept me off my feet!

(hehe, get it?)

Yes, and being stranded on this island evolved this crazy humour! Tell me anything and I will laugh my booty off. Or actually.. Booty is a boot right? Like.. A shoe?

It doesn't matter. Because I am alive. The only pictures I have are in the sand, so I can't prove my exsistance. You just have to believe me! Or if you find this in the sand, it's my self portrait:

I have wandered and wandered for ever to get home to you, dear readers! Yes, both of you! And now I am back. Back to write and sing and play! I have been gone for very long, I know. There is a picture to prove it too!

But I am back and I will post stuff here. Hey, where are you going?

Music

2006-06-04T23:45:00.000+02:00

I'm in the System

I swear I've heard it before.

And I swear I love it.

Blinded by the sight

2006-05-18T23:49:00.000+02:00

WAH! I FORGOT TO TELL YOU THAT I WENT AND SAW BLINDSIDE!!

Seriously.. I was crying and laughing and smiling and.. WOW. I was singing with Christian and got a plektrum (swedish) from Simon and Thomas gave me a kiss on the cheek !

WAH!! They make me feel like I'm twelve and happy again! Execpt the fact that I had really lousy taste for music when I was twelve. Like... Vengaboys or something.

BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM

Forever Blindside.

Walls

2006-05-18T23:40:00.000+02:00

Here Allan, this is my wall. It's pretty and will guard me forever. Nothing will break it.

16 Years of Sin

2006-05-16T22:55:00.000+02:00

So tomorrow is my birthday.
That kinda freaks me out.
Everytime I turn a year I always look back at what my life was like exactly a year ago.

So let's see..

I was together with Tim.
I just started to take the Zoloft.
I had the school crisis.
I wanted to change school.
I .. wasn't happy.

So, not too hard to improve that, eh?

Well. Before I enter a life as a seventeenyearold I feel like cleasing my body.

Sorry for being a slacker. Always pushing it to the limit.. "I'll do that another day... I'll get that later..." As you know, I have been improving that... But geeze, I have a long way to go.

Sorry for being so confused. I've hurt some people being so confused, not knowing what I've been feeling. Not knowing who to trust. Not knowing if I'm doing the right thing, but still follow my shallow gut feeling.

Sorry for being someone else. I just don't feel like I'm enough sometimes. It sure can be hard always cheering everyone up... Being the joker... But that's the mask I have. That is the roll I play. I'm sorry not living after my favorite motto: Be yourself.

Sorry for having double-morale. Not living what you preach. Giving others the truth they want. It's just hard, you know what is right but your body wants to go against it.

Sorry for being 16.

Upload time

2006-05-10T10:15:00.000+02:00

So, my little sister was nice enough to be my model for a photoproject in school. She has been wanting these pics for like months now..

Well, you other not-knowing ones might wanna know what the whole project was about. You might not want to know what it was about. Well, too bad for you.

There were some categories to choose from (work, personal portrait, colour and shapes, differences, opposites..) so I chose to COMBINE two (A+ thank you very much). I've combined color and shape and personal portrait. I took pictures of my sister. In colors. Different colors. Like, with a camera.. Oh, you get the picture. (ha ha)

More ultimaterer selfer-helping-charteristicer

2006-05-09T21:15:00.000+02:00

I have improved my chart.

Q: Are you human?
If yes, proceed. If no, apply for American Idol.

You are: Type X, HUMAN.

Advice
BE GOOD

Thanks you and behave,

Dr. Emelie

Polar bears

2006-05-09T21:03:00.000+02:00

Don't think about polar bears.

I betcha you did. You thought about polar bears. With the thick, white fur and walking on four legs.. Making that "EuuURgH"-sound?

I thought I told you not to think about them?!

Not so easy to do that, eh?

So why do people tell me to forget about the fact that women are making 80 :- when men are making 100 :- ? To not think about child labour too much.. Because that'll make me sad?

What if I'm allready sad, and want to make a difference? These pctures of discrimination, suffering and pain are etched into my head. I see them all the time when I'm drawing the fallen angel who is cutting herself and her blood running down her body.. But with no evil in her eyes. They understand. They look right at you and say: "I am suffering, so you can move on".

I was 14 when I drew that picture.

But don't think about that. It'll make you sad.

Write your heart, not your job.

2006-05-07T21:27:00.000+02:00

ticktockticktock

write your heart

It's really depressing not being able to write something when that is your assignment.

P.S. My MSN broke down. I'll say Good-bye here.

Jesus

2006-04-14T13:28:00.000+02:00

Is it only me that thinks it's weird Jesus is dead different days every year?
He's dead every day, dear.

Peeling

2006-04-14T13:02:00.000+02:00

Sitting here in front of the computer..

rip

Peeling my lip. I don't know why, it gets me high.. Perhaps I'll die.

rip

Hmm.. Wonder why I have this behaviour... Just sitting in front of the computer. Not doing anything.. Except waiting for the shower.

rip

Oh yeah. I am LAST on my family's shower list. That means if we're going somewhere I will have the cold water. WHY?!

rip

Okay okay.. So I am the one using all the hot water. And that's actually how I got to the last person on that list. But still.

rip

Once I peeled off all the skin from my lower lip. That was pretty gross. And then later on I threw up. That stung pretty bad. Allthough.. That's not what I was thinking since I have emetophobia.

rip

I love the fact that emetophobia starts with eme like my own name. It's like.. Meant to be or something.

rip

Wow. People talk about relationships being meant to be and I'm talking about the fact that my fear of throwing up is meant to be.

rip

I must have the most exciting life. But then again... I'm just normal.

rip

Light!

2006-04-05T16:28:00.000+02:00

I usually hate exclamation marks. But today I love them! Because I am sooo happy. Oooh. I'm in loooove.. I'm so in löööv. Well. Since I am very happy and cheerful I am going to share some interesting facts I found in one of the many newspapers my mother appeared in as a kid. It's The Modesto Bee, Page 2, Wednesday, July 27, 2005. My mother is not a kid now. But she appeared in this particular news paper when she was a kid. Thought I'd clear that out. ANYWAY.

This page has a column called Men at work and Women 2 and I just love some of the examples of actual quotes they have in there.

Evaluating a total slacker might be kind of tough. You don't want to be lying but you don't want to write it from one point of view. Some people have been able to do the perfect evaluation:

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity"

"Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap."

Well, the military got a seperate part of this column and with even more examples of actual evaluations:

"A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on"

"One-celled organisms out-score him in IQ tests"

"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"Wheel is turning but the hamster is dead."

But my top favorites are the Actual answeres on the California drivers tests...:

"Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy Psychadelics"

"Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons."

"Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if she's cute."

And my three personal favorites:

"Q: When driving through fog, what should you see?
A: Your car."
Right about that y'all!

"Q: What is the difference between a flashing red light and a flashing yellow light?
A: The color."
Man, I wish I was that clever.

"Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying "Guns don't kill people. I do."
You tell me you wouldn't let him go ahead and drive.

Next time I waon't be as lazy and qoute som eother text. But I just love these so much ^^ Love you guys too. AND I LOVE YOU TO YOU-KNOW-WHO.

The ultimate help-yourself-chart

2006-03-31T12:09:00.000+02:00

My new friend Allan seems to have some kind of obsession with charts. You know the kind... The ones where some smart person entitled Dr. opened Paint and drew a triangle? Well. I am very surprised of the fact that Allan has not yet found the only and the ultimate help-your-self-chart. MY chart. I will guide you unaware ones into the power of the Emelie chart.

First of all we need different types of people. Because we are different. (Sorry to smack that one in your face, Sweden)

This is the list of people in the world:

A) Stupid
B) Narrow minded
C) Weak
D) Depressed
E) Perfect

Now you shall be tested. What person are you?

Test 1. Are you stupid?
Answer these q's either yes or no

Do you understand?

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered no at least once you are a type-A person. If you are not able to read this you are very much a type-A person.

Test 2. Are you narrow minded?
Answer these q's either yes or no

1. All muslims are terrorists
2. All muslims are nice

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered yes at least once you are a type-B person.

Test 3. Are you weak?

Someone invites you for a cup of coffee, what do you answer?

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered anything else but yes or no you are a type-C person. E.g: It depends, I don't know, Who is it?...

Test 4. Are you depressed?
Do you agree with these statements?

1. I can understand why some people hurt themselves...

2. ...but I don't.

Select the text below this line to see your result:
Question 1. If you answered no you are not a type-D person. If you answered yes you are not a type-E person.
Question 2. If you answered no you are a type-D person.

Test 5. Are you perfect?
Do you agree with this statement?

I am as happy as the teletubbies (a.k.a. very very very happy)

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered yes you are a type-E person.

With very advanced studying I have come to find out that not everyone will find that they belong in these categories. I have called them type-X. They are fine and up and running and will experience the usual ups and downs of life. Some people would call these normal. But I want a cool name for them. Plus the fact that most people would call type-E people normal. But they are so wrong.

This is my chart of how our society is built up:

The white dots are the type-X people. So now you know what type of person you are. Now how will you live a healthier life?

TYPE A PEOPLE

Be smart. Instead of reading magazines, read books. Instead of ditching school, go to classes. Instead of chatting with friends, surf for some facts about polar bears. Just do SOMETHING to enhance your intelligence. PLEASE. I beg you. We need to eliminate the dumb people (of course there are exceptions. This is not including retarded or mentally handicapped people, but I hope you understood that. No wait. YOU ARE STUPID AND PROBABLY DIDN'T.) Get a life, go to school and become smart.

TYPE B PEOPLE

OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR GOSH'S SAKE! Stop seeing the world from your own eyes only. This is a frekkin planet with frekkin creatures. Nothing more to it. There is no right to kill or rape or brainwash. Stop looking through a tunnel. The world is not black nor white. It's grey and there is no ultimate truth. Why spend your time judging other people living their own lives? You can not force your own opinions on someone else if you don't plan on listening to their side of the story.

TYPE C PEOPLE

Stand up for yourself. There is no law who owns what chair on the bus. You are entitled to sit wherever you want. No, not all people are nice. They are not all thinking of not hurting you. They're cutting in front of you because they know they can get away with it. Are you really going to let that happen? Learn to say no and make up your mind. You can't help thinking the way you think, but if people ask what you feel or what you want to do.. They want to know! And you have no reason to butter it up or say: "It doesn't matter" if it matters. It's your opinion for cow's sake. The only thing no one can take away from you.

TYPE D PEOPLE

Yes, the world is a frekkin dark place. Yes, people suck. Yes, it's so unfair it's SICK. Show the world you are strong enough to handle this. Do you really want to die or feel this bad because of THIS WORLD? Seriously... Is this world worth dying for? Is this world worth ruining your life for? There is a reason you're feeling like this. And I'm not talking about the meaning of life. No, I'm talking about your DNA and your life experience. OF COURSE you're feeling bad. If you haven't been throguh stuff to make you depressed, then why would you be depressed?! But that doesn't mean the end. Show us you can survive this. Show the world that you will not let her win.

TYPE E PEOPLE

Continue with the happiness. Live the wonderful life. Don't let anybody stop you. But if you want to become the understanding and allmighty friend you have to come down to earth. Don't judge people before you've been in their situation. If you haven't seen the darkness, don't talk about it. Just live your perfect life and let the others live theirs.

I hope this helped some one. Because this world is becoming a very sick place.

Yours truly,

Dr. Emelie

#&%¤!

2006-03-27T22:35:00.000+02:00

I'm so frekkin pissed right now. I totally.. OOH. I' boiling. Watched that show.. Drevet. About a girl who was sexually abused by her own father for FIVE FREKKIN YEARS. GAAH !! I'm going to start my own frekkin political party !!! I'm going to sort things out once and for all !!!

But first I have to go to bed. School tomorrow.

Common Mistake

2006-03-18T17:35:00.000+01:00

Have you ever made this common mistake? You browse through the internet by clicking on links and Google has some random ads that allways annoy the webpage. You don't notice them too much since your brain has programed that it is useless information. So you once again click on a link to a new page and this time you feel like reading these ads. Your eyes are wide open. You start to drool. It's the most amazing offer, the most amazing website of all times.. And it's.. Gone! Because you clicked on that link. And the rest of your life is ruined because they're random ads.

You've been in this situation, right?

No?

OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T BECAUSE WE HATE THOSE ADS AND NOBODY EVER CLICKS ON THEM AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY STILL ARE UP ON THE WEBSITES. IF WE ARE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING WE ACTUALLY GO TO GOOGLE.COM TO SEARCH FOR IT.

LARP dress

2006-03-18T16:46:00.001+01:00

Okay, so if anyone ever sat in his/her room feeling like making a 1100's LARP dress that is black and purple because you feel like doing some larping and then going up on the internet to find a pattern...

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND ONE!

It is impossible. At least if you're me. That's why I have to MAKE MY OWN PATTERN. And since I am the nicest person in the whole world I will post it on my blog.

So if you have a friend that is going to do some larping and can't fins a pattern for his/her dress (yes, guys can wear dresses) tell your friend that THIS is the site to go to.

A Little Treat

2006-03-11T17:15:00.000+01:00

So, since I realized that I know something that most of the WORLD does not know I am going to take that and use it for my advantage.

It's a thing approx 10 million people can do.
It's exotic.
It's exciting.
It's necessary for the survival of Sweden!

IT'S SWEDISH.

So, this is what I'm going to do. I am going to write the most common phrases you will bump into if you ever lose your senses and go to Sweden.

"Fyfan vad varmt det är ute!" [fee-fan whaud wairmt deyt air oo-teh]
"It's frekking cold outside! Only 12 degrees Celsius and these bastard Swedes are walking around in frekking SHORTS!?"

"Kom och bada! Det är varmt i vattnet!" [cawm o baw-dah deyt air wairmt ee what-net]
"I jumped in and frose my whole body, so now I don't feel a thing. But since you don't know how I'm feeling I will trick you into the water I feel is okay even though you should know the Swedish lakes never tend to become warm"

"Du är unik!" [dew air ew-neek]
"Who the fudge are you? And what is that on your face? BLACK MAKE UP?! TAKE THIS AS AN INSLUT! You are a psycho you frekkin maniac. Where did you come from?"

"Vilket vackert väder!" [weelk-et whack-ert vair-dehr]

"For the first time in about 5 months I can see the sun"

Tune in later for an update on the Swedish Language Program!

- I am very positive on the Swedes

Funnypants

2006-03-10T16:43:00.000+01:00

Eeh. This morning when the sun rose and hit me in my eyes about 3 hours early I almost enjoyed life. And then the higher power was even funnier when he made me spill milk all over the floor. Wow, he really is a comedian.

But the funniest person of them all is the one who took all om my favorite clothes and put them on the ironing board in another room without telling me. They have been there for about a week now. The only clothes I have been able to wear are the ones you use when the laundry day is approaching.

Ah I love a good sense of humour.

And to answer a question I got... The earlier post is not blank. It takes great amount of skill to understand and really respond to the text below.

(which means I really screwed up and forgot to change the text color to white, my apologies)

But today I have done meaningful deeds! I have for example printed out about 10 pictures to put in my sweet little portfolio. Damn. I wish I had one.

"May I see your portfolio?"
"OH YES YOU VERY WELL MAY SEE MY PORTFOLIO"

Aaah. Sweet, pathetic dreams of mine. Makes me keep on living, eh?

The contest

2006-03-09T13:58:00.000+01:00

I spent about seven hours yesterday writing a short story for a competition.
I'm so tired.
I might go to bed at eight today.
I really don't have any energy left.

Gosh, I really love the feeling.
I'm so going to be a writer when I grow up.

Feeling so The Used

2006-03-05T18:21:00.000+01:00

Okay, so The Used is now officially my favorite band. And I'm not going to do this post about what I like about them, since a picture says so much more. It's like that saying.. "If a picture says more than a thousand words, what does a movie tell you?". Yes, that's right. A music video.

So here it is. The song that moves my heart.
The one that sings me alive again.

The Used - Blue and Yellow.

Well, since I was unrealistic before I will not be able to publish a whole music video today.
Nice thinking there Emelie.

BUT, I'll say this:
I can publish the intro. Evertything made in PAINTBRUSH. Yes, you heard me. Paintbrush. Not Paint Shop Pro, not Adobe PhotoShop, not flash... The really bugdet program that follows Windows operating systems. With some help of the animation program UnFREEZ.

Introduction:

The Naked Truth

2006-03-03T22:46:00.000+01:00

Okay. I'm going to come clean. I know it is a stupid thing to do since this is the world wide web and the people I'll speak of might read this.

But I'm flipping out.

I guess love isn't anything for me. I mean, right now my best friend, another friend, my ex and my ex's girlfriend is sitting upstairs watching Napoleon Dynamite. I'm sitting downstairs next to the computer.

This is when you ask: Why?

I'll tell you why. I have two choices:

-> Sit upstairs unable to block the sound of my ex talking sweet talk to his new girlfriend. The ex I feel I've helped a long way, becuase I care. I will sit upstairs boiling of anger, frustration, despair and jealousy.
-> Sit down here, have no life. Cry for myself every time I can hear them laugh and feel sorry for myself. Forgetting the fact that I'm dying on the inside.

This is when you say: Oh.

I feel like curling up next to my best friend on the couch and just let her hug me. Gosh I love her. We've never been in a single fight and we seldom disagree with eachother.

Gosh. His girlfriend's laugh peirced right through me. I want to get out of here. Don't want to be with him, that's not the thing. The thing is... She's taking my place. I can't handle that. I always have a role, stick with it and stay happy. I wonder why we are built to feel like this.

Must be some kind of animal instinct. The alfa-male had to be the ultimate, and he got so pissed off when someone tried to take his place. But it's not the same thing. Why the heck do we have jealousy? Damn.. It puzzles me. Please post your thoughts about it through comments. I really want to know.

Why do we feel jealousy? Why is it a part of our nature?

I know I'm not supposed to write about the fact that I don't want my EX to have a girlfriend. It's tabu. Nonono, we're supposed to be so politically correct. Be all logical about things. I'm not supposed to wish that he doesn't have a girlfriend until I have moved on.

But this is my blog. I am entitled to write whatever I feel like!
And I don't want him to have a girlfriend. I want to be the first one to enter a healthy, serious relationship. I want to be the strong one who the other person crawls back to. I want to feel needed. I don't want to hear him say the same words to her as he did to me. I want to be able to control the world with my own hands.

Welcome to the life of a jealous ex.

Emelie makeover

2006-03-02T20:52:00.000+01:00

Okay, so I got this idea.

Yes, this is the part where you should take cover.

I'm going to do this extreme makeover thing. But on myself by myself and with a slightly tight budget. It's about 200 :- (about $25) plus my stuff at home. So, I got two things: bleech for hair and red for hair. Now, I don't want to be all mainstream (?) so I want to do something different. I will keep this blog updated during this evening and do this sort of ego project about myself because it makes me feel good to think that people might actueally read something.

Either that or they'll think one of the following:

-> What a stupid bastard
-> Such a diva

Well, since life is good and short,
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

I will do a whole project about myself because I am entitled to it AND it makes me feel good. DAMNIT. Swedes can be so careful at times..

"So, are you good at snowboarding?"
"Ehm.. I don't know. I can get from the top of the hill to the bottom without any problems."
"Wait.. You're [any name]?! Whoa! You won the Swedish championship! What the bleep are you talking about?!"

But then again, the alternative is:

"So, are you good at snowboarding?"
"Yeah, I won the Swedish championship, so I'm really good."
"Ah, I see." (walks away to another person) "Did you HEAR that? Such an egoist! Geeze, only talking about herself all the time. Thinks a snowboard championship is something big.. I mean. Only drug addicts and hobos enter those tournaments anyway. Yeah, I heard it from Margareta."

So, that's pretty much like the army.
(for those who couldn't follow there, google EDDIE IZZARD.)

Anyway. Time for a BEFORE PICTURE:

So, now I'm writing about an hour later. The bleech is setting in my hair. As I just told my friend, it's always so exciting since you don't know if you'll have any hair tomorrow. I find myself planning what wig to buy and when I can get one.

This time it's überexciting. It's not really what I should be using.. It's some kind of highlighter thingy. And it is NOT TO BE USED throughout the whole hair, and not too close to the scalp. Well, I DID use it throughout the whole head of hair and it did come quite close to the scalp. So.. Very exciting.

It's time like these when you realize that you need more excitement in your life.

Anyway, a picture update:

40 minutes later:
Well, progress report: unsteady.
Don't really know what happened here.
My orange hair didn't change much at all.. but my real haircolor got BLONDE. I mean.. It's really blonde. well. It's just as fine, because I still have that red stuff.

Mental note to self: Do not use highlight-haircolor to color all of the hair.

But there is a difference. And now I have to figure out WHAT to do with the frekkin' red hair color.

Positive about: My hair hasn't fallen off yet. My gosh I'm lucky.

Picture update:

Geeze, after midnight. Well, progress report: promising.

My fingers are covered in blood !!!

Mihihi. At least it almost looks like it might possibly be blood ^^

Since this is supposed to sit for about 20 minutes I will make this fast:

Picture Update:

The finale is approaching!!

My hair is finished. So, I started this post at 9 o'clock and will end it around 1:00 AM. That's a four hour makeover. The make up and clothes still remain though.

Well, are you excited? HOW THE HECK DID THIS TURN OUT?

Since I have no idea how to wear my hair I'm going to post three different pics of my hair.

Picture update:

FREDAG 11:30

So, my extreme makeover has now crossed the day-boundry. It is no longer Thursday and I'm no longer tired. Fell asleep on the couch and woke up having a small dog licking me all over the face. But I have continued the makeover. I put on some black/white clothes and I styled my hair. After that, it's make up time!

My hair is so clean, I washed it three times since they wanted clean hair. And when I say 'they' I mean the mean people in the huge houses where they make the haircolor that don't think about the fact that I want red hair. So my hair is basically weightless, cna't feel it on my head.

Hmm, I have a feeling you're not supposed to feel your hair too much.

Picture update:

It's make up time!

I'm going for a smokey eyes, red lips look. It's what I usually have, but it does go nicely with the hair.

Hating loving emo

2006-03-02T10:06:00.000+01:00

Dang it, been watching some movies I found searching video.google.com for "emo" since my friend has been talking about a particular movie called "How to be emo". Even though every single movie ridiculates these so called "emokids" I can't help but love them.

I mean, how can you not like the haircuts and their style?

Emokids, don't listen to the jealous bastards! Keep the unique haircuts, your nintendo, the poems and the emotions! Mean, geeze. What sick girl would not fall for it? Please just knock on my door and declare your love. Because you are so emotional and have the coolest haircut. (Yes, I DO have a thing for those haircuts)

I wish the whole world would be emo. Every single person would be cool and write poems and sit in their room and just be alive.

Grrr.