The ultimate help-yourself-chart

My new friend Allan seems to have some kind of obsession with charts. You know the kind... The ones where some smart person entitled Dr. opened Paint and drew a triangle? Well. I am very surprised of the fact that Allan has not yet found the only and the ultimate help-your-self-chart. MY chart. I will guide you unaware ones into the power of the Emelie chart.

First of all we need different types of people. Because we are different. (Sorry to smack that one in your face, Sweden)

This is the list of people in the world:

A) Stupid
B) Narrow minded
C) Weak
D) Depressed
E) Perfect

Now you shall be tested. What person are you?


Test 1. Are you stupid?
Answer these q's either yes or no

Do you understand?

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered no at least once you are a type-A person. If you are not able to read this you are very much a type-A person.


Test 2. Are you narrow minded?
Answer these q's either yes or no

1. All muslims are terrorists
2. All muslims are nice

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered yes at least once you are a type-B person.


Test 3. Are you weak?

Someone invites you for a cup of coffee, what do you answer?

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered anything else but yes or no you are a type-C person. E.g: It depends, I don't know, Who is it?...


Test 4. Are you depressed?
Do you agree with these statements?

1. I can understand why some people hurt themselves...

2. ...but I don't.

Select the text below this line to see your result:
Question 1. If you answered no you are not a type-D person. If you answered yes you are not a type-E person.
Question 2. If you answered no you are a type-D person.


Test 5. Are you perfect?
Do you agree with this statement?

I am as happy as the teletubbies (a.k.a. very very very happy)

Select the text below this line to see your result:
If you answered yes you are a type-E person.

With very advanced studying I have come to find out that not everyone will find that they belong in these categories. I have called them type-X. They are fine and up and running and will experience the usual ups and downs of life. Some people would call these normal. But I want a cool name for them. Plus the fact that most people would call type-E people normal. But they are so wrong.

This is my chart of how our society is built up:

The white dots are the type-X people. So now you know what type of person you are. Now how will you live a healthier life?

TYPE A PEOPLE

Be smart. Instead of reading magazines, read books. Instead of ditching school, go to classes. Instead of chatting with friends, surf for some facts about polar bears. Just do SOMETHING to enhance your intelligence. PLEASE. I beg you. We need to eliminate the dumb people (of course there are exceptions. This is not including retarded or mentally handicapped people, but I hope you understood that. No wait. YOU ARE STUPID AND PROBABLY DIDN'T.) Get a life, go to school and become smart.

TYPE B PEOPLE

OPEN UP YOUR MIND FOR GOSH'S SAKE! Stop seeing the world from your own eyes only. This is a frekkin planet with frekkin creatures. Nothing more to it. There is no right to kill or rape or brainwash. Stop looking through a tunnel. The world is not black nor white. It's grey and there is no ultimate truth. Why spend your time judging other people living their own lives? You can not force your own opinions on someone else if you don't plan on listening to their side of the story.

TYPE C PEOPLE

Stand up for yourself. There is no law who owns what chair on the bus. You are entitled to sit wherever you want. No, not all people are nice. They are not all thinking of not hurting you. They're cutting in front of you because they know they can get away with it. Are you really going to let that happen? Learn to say no and make up your mind. You can't help thinking the way you think, but if people ask what you feel or what you want to do.. They want to know! And you have no reason to butter it up or say: "It doesn't matter" if it matters. It's your opinion for cow's sake. The only thing no one can take away from you.

TYPE D PEOPLE

Yes, the world is a frekkin dark place. Yes, people suck. Yes, it's so unfair it's SICK. Show the world you are strong enough to handle this. Do you really want to die or feel this bad because of THIS WORLD? Seriously... Is this world worth dying for? Is this world worth ruining your life for? There is a reason you're feeling like this. And I'm not talking about the meaning of life. No, I'm talking about your DNA and your life experience. OF COURSE you're feeling bad. If you haven't been throguh stuff to make you depressed, then why would you be depressed?! But that doesn't mean the end. Show us you can survive this. Show the world that you will not let her win.

TYPE E PEOPLE

Continue with the happiness. Live the wonderful life. Don't let anybody stop you. But if you want to become the understanding and allmighty friend you have to come down to earth. Don't judge people before you've been in their situation. If you haven't seen the darkness, don't talk about it. Just live your perfect life and let the others live theirs.

I hope this helped some one. Because this world is becoming a very sick place.

Yours truly,

Dr. Emelie

#&%¤!

I'm so frekkin pissed right now. I totally.. OOH. I' boiling. Watched that show.. Drevet. About a girl who was sexually abused by her own father for FIVE FREKKIN YEARS. GAAH !! I'm going to start my own frekkin political party !!! I'm going to sort things out once and for all !!!

But first I have to go to bed. School tomorrow.

Common Mistake

Have you ever made this common mistake? You browse through the internet by clicking on links and Google has some random ads that allways annoy the webpage. You don't notice them too much since your brain has programed that it is useless information. So you once again click on a link to a new page and this time you feel like reading these ads. Your eyes are wide open. You start to drool. It's the most amazing offer, the most amazing website of all times.. And it's.. Gone! Because you clicked on that link. And the rest of your life is ruined because they're random ads.

You've been in this situation, right?

No?

OF COURSE YOU HAVEN'T BECAUSE WE HATE THOSE ADS AND NOBODY EVER CLICKS ON THEM AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY STILL ARE UP ON THE WEBSITES. IF WE ARE SEARCHING FOR SOMETHING WE ACTUALLY GO TO GOOGLE.COM TO SEARCH FOR IT.

LARP dress

Okay, so if anyone ever sat in his/her room feeling like making a 1100's LARP dress that is black and purple because you feel like doing some larping and then going up on the internet to find a pattern...

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FIND ONE!

It is impossible. At least if you're me. That's why I have to MAKE MY OWN PATTERN. And since I am the nicest person in the whole world I will post it on my blog.

So if you have a friend that is going to do some larping and can't fins a pattern for his/her dress (yes, guys can wear dresses) tell your friend that THIS is the site to go to.

A Little Treat

So, since I realized that I know something that most of the WORLD does not know I am going to take that and use it for my advantage.

It's a thing approx 10 million people can do.
It's exotic.
It's exciting.
It's necessary for the survival of Sweden!

IT'S SWEDISH.

So, this is what I'm going to do. I am going to write the most common phrases you will bump into if you ever lose your senses and go to Sweden.

"Fyfan vad varmt det är ute!" [fee-fan whaud wairmt deyt air oo-teh]
"It's frekking cold outside! Only 12 degrees Celsius and these bastard Swedes are walking around in frekking SHORTS!?"

"Kom och bada! Det är varmt i vattnet!" [cawm o baw-dah deyt air wairmt ee what-net]
"I jumped in and frose my whole body, so now I don't feel a thing. But since you don't know how I'm feeling I will trick you into the water I feel is okay even though you should know the Swedish lakes never tend to become warm"

"Du är unik!" [dew air ew-neek]
"Who the fudge are you? And what is that on your face? BLACK MAKE UP?! TAKE THIS AS AN INSLUT! You are a psycho you frekkin maniac. Where did you come from?"

"Vilket vackert väder!" [weelk-et whack-ert vair-dehr]

"For the first time in about 5 months I can see the sun"

Tune in later for an update on the Swedish Language Program!

- I am very positive on the Swedes

Funnypants

Eeh. This morning when the sun rose and hit me in my eyes about 3 hours early I almost enjoyed life. And then the higher power was even funnier when he made me spill milk all over the floor. Wow, he really is a comedian.

But the funniest person of them all is the one who took all om my favorite clothes and put them on the ironing board in another room without telling me. They have been there for about a week now. The only clothes I have been able to wear are the ones you use when the laundry day is approaching.

Ah I love a good sense of humour.

And to answer a question I got... The earlier post is not blank. It takes great amount of skill to understand and really respond to the text below.

(which means I really screwed up and forgot to change the text color to white, my apologies)



But today I have done meaningful deeds! I have for example printed out about 10 pictures to put in my sweet little portfolio. Damn. I wish I had one.

"May I see your portfolio?"
"OH YES YOU VERY WELL MAY SEE MY PORTFOLIO"

Aaah. Sweet, pathetic dreams of mine. Makes me keep on living, eh?

The contest

I spent about seven hours yesterday writing a short story for a competition.
I'm so tired.
I might go to bed at eight today.
I really don't have any energy left.

Gosh, I really love the feeling.
I'm so going to be a writer when I grow up.

Feeling so The Used

Okay, so The Used is now officially my favorite band. And I'm not going to do this post about what I like about them, since a picture says so much more. It's like that saying.. "If a picture says more than a thousand words, what does a movie tell you?". Yes, that's right. A music video.

So here it is. The song that moves my heart.
The one that sings me alive again.

The Used - Blue and Yellow.

Well, since I was unrealistic before I will not be able to publish a whole music video today.
Nice thinking there Emelie.

BUT, I'll say this:
I can publish the intro. Evertything made in PAINTBRUSH. Yes, you heard me. Paintbrush. Not Paint Shop Pro, not Adobe PhotoShop, not flash... The really bugdet program that follows Windows operating systems. With some help of the animation program UnFREEZ.

Introduction:

The Naked Truth

Okay. I'm going to come clean. I know it is a stupid thing to do since this is the world wide web and the people I'll speak of might read this.

But I'm flipping out.

I guess love isn't anything for me. I mean, right now my best friend, another friend, my ex and my ex's girlfriend is sitting upstairs watching Napoleon Dynamite. I'm sitting downstairs next to the computer.

This is when you ask: Why?

I'll tell you why. I have two choices:

-> Sit upstairs unable to block the sound of my ex talking sweet talk to his new girlfriend. The ex I feel I've helped a long way, becuase I care. I will sit upstairs boiling of anger, frustration, despair and jealousy.
-> Sit down here, have no life. Cry for myself every time I can hear them laugh and feel sorry for myself. Forgetting the fact that I'm dying on the inside.

This is when you say: Oh.

I feel like curling up next to my best friend on the couch and just let her hug me. Gosh I love her. We've never been in a single fight and we seldom disagree with eachother.

Gosh. His girlfriend's laugh peirced right through me. I want to get out of here. Don't want to be with him, that's not the thing. The thing is... She's taking my place. I can't handle that. I always have a role, stick with it and stay happy. I wonder why we are built to feel like this.

Must be some kind of animal instinct. The alfa-male had to be the ultimate, and he got so pissed off when someone tried to take his place. But it's not the same thing. Why the heck do we have jealousy? Damn.. It puzzles me. Please post your thoughts about it through comments. I really want to know.

Why do we feel jealousy? Why is it a part of our nature?

I know I'm not supposed to write about the fact that I don't want my EX to have a girlfriend. It's tabu. Nonono, we're supposed to be so politically correct. Be all logical about things. I'm not supposed to wish that he doesn't have a girlfriend until I have moved on.

But this is my blog. I am entitled to write whatever I feel like!
And I don't want him to have a girlfriend. I want to be the first one to enter a healthy, serious relationship. I want to be the strong one who the other person crawls back to. I want to feel needed. I don't want to hear him say the same words to her as he did to me. I want to be able to control the world with my own hands.

Welcome to the life of a jealous ex.

Emelie makeover

Okay, so I got this idea.

Yes, this is the part where you should take cover.

I'm going to do this extreme makeover thing. But on myself by myself and with a slightly tight budget. It's about 200 :- (about $25) plus my stuff at home. So, I got two things: bleech for hair and red for hair. Now, I don't want to be all mainstream (?) so I want to do something different. I will keep this blog updated during this evening and do this sort of ego project about myself because it makes me feel good to think that people might actueally read something.

Either that or they'll think one of the following:

-> What a stupid bastard
-> Such a diva

Well, since life is good and short,
I DON'T GIVE A DAMN.

I will do a whole project about myself because I am entitled to it AND it makes me feel good. DAMNIT. Swedes can be so careful at times..

"So, are you good at snowboarding?"
"Ehm.. I don't know. I can get from the top of the hill to the bottom without any problems."
"Wait.. You're [any name]?! Whoa! You won the Swedish championship! What the bleep are you talking about?!"

But then again, the alternative is:

"So, are you good at snowboarding?"
"Yeah, I won the Swedish championship, so I'm really good."
"Ah, I see." (walks away to another person) "Did you HEAR that? Such an egoist! Geeze, only talking about herself all the time. Thinks a snowboard championship is something big.. I mean. Only drug addicts and hobos enter those tournaments anyway. Yeah, I heard it from Margareta."

So, that's pretty much like the army.
(for those who couldn't follow there, google EDDIE IZZARD.)

Anyway. Time for a BEFORE PICTURE:



So, now I'm writing about an hour later. The bleech is setting in my hair. As I just told my friend, it's always so exciting since you don't know if you'll have any hair tomorrow. I find myself planning what wig to buy and when I can get one.

This time it's überexciting. It's not really what I should be using.. It's some kind of highlighter thingy. And it is NOT TO BE USED throughout the whole hair, and not too close to the scalp. Well, I DID use it throughout the whole head of hair and it did come quite close to the scalp. So.. Very exciting.

It's time like these when you realize that you need more excitement in your life.

Anyway, a picture update:



40 minutes later:
Well, progress report: unsteady.
Don't really know what happened here.
My orange hair didn't change much at all.. but my real haircolor got BLONDE. I mean.. It's really blonde. well. It's just as fine, because I still have that red stuff.

Mental note to self: Do not use highlight-haircolor to color all of the hair.

But there is a difference. And now I have to figure out WHAT to do with the frekkin' red hair color.

Positive about: My hair hasn't fallen off yet. My gosh I'm lucky.

Picture update:



Geeze, after midnight. Well, progress report: promising.

My fingers are covered in blood !!!


Mihihi. At least it almost looks like it might possibly be blood ^^

Since this is supposed to sit for about 20 minutes I will make this fast:

Picture Update:


The finale is approaching!!

My hair is finished. So, I started this post at 9 o'clock and will end it around 1:00 AM. That's a four hour makeover. The make up and clothes still remain though.

Well, are you excited? HOW THE HECK DID THIS TURN OUT?

Since I have no idea how to wear my hair I'm going to post three different pics of my hair.

Picture update:



FREDAG 11:30

So, my extreme makeover has now crossed the day-boundry. It is no longer Thursday and I'm no longer tired. Fell asleep on the couch and woke up having a small dog licking me all over the face. But I have continued the makeover. I put on some black/white clothes and I styled my hair. After that, it's make up time!

My hair is so clean, I washed it three times since they wanted clean hair. And when I say 'they' I mean the mean people in the huge houses where they make the haircolor that don't think about the fact that I want red hair. So my hair is basically weightless, cna't feel it on my head.

Hmm, I have a feeling you're not supposed to feel your hair too much.

Picture update:


It's make up time!

I'm going for a smokey eyes, red lips look. It's what I usually have, but it does go nicely with the hair.

Hating loving emo

Dang it, been watching some movies I found searching video.google.com for "emo" since my friend has been talking about a particular movie called "How to be emo". Even though every single movie ridiculates these so called "emokids" I can't help but love them.

I mean, how can you not like the haircuts and their style?

Emokids, don't listen to the jealous bastards! Keep the unique haircuts, your nintendo, the poems and the emotions! Mean, geeze. What sick girl would not fall for it? Please just knock on my door and declare your love. Because you are so emotional and have the coolest haircut. (Yes, I DO have a thing for those haircuts)

I wish the whole world would be emo. Every single person would be cool and write poems and sit in their room and just be alive.

Grrr.